How Can Knowing the Basic Personality Types Increase Your Quality of Life?
There are all kinds of personality tests available today. Many are free on the internet including the popular Myers-Briggs test. Does understanding ourselves help us to interact with others including family, relatives, friends, at school and at work? Especially, can it help us get along peacefully with others who are difficult? Afterall, there are some people who we cannot avoid because we work or live closely with them.
Who are we anyway?
First, let’s figure out who we are. Below are the basic four, easy to understand types of personalities. Please enjoy finding yourself in one of these four. You can also identify others and why they are the way they are. (Most people are a mixture of two types).
POPULAR SANGUINE – Outgoing, Friendly. A people person.
Basic Desire: Likes to play and to have fun, likes to please others. Optimistic, is usually charming and well liked.
Emotional needs: Attention, affection, approval, acceptance.
There needs to be some fun in every project.
Strengths: Sense of Humor, creative and colorful, great storyteller.
Weaknesses: Decides by feelings. Talks too much. Easily distracted, interrupts.
Controls by: Charm.
POWERFUL CHOLERIC – A Great Leader, Goal Oriented. Decisive.
Basic Desire: Needs to have Control. Extroverted, optimistic, outspoken.
Emotional Needs: Loyalty, sense of control, appreciation, credit for work.
Let’s get the job done.
Strengths: Works well under pressure. Production-Oriented.
Weaknesses: Too opinionated. Workaholic. Overly intense. Insensitive.
Controls by: Anger.
PEACEFUL PHLEGMATIC – Have Peace at All Costs.
Basic Desire: Avoids Conflict. Easy going, Not goal oriented.
Emotional Needs: Feeling of Worth, No Stress, Respect. No motivation.
Controls by Procrastination. Low Energy.
Strengths: Adaptable, Competent and Steady. Good listener. Kind.
Weaknesses: Too Quiet, Procrastinator. Stubborn.
Controls by: Procrastination.
PERFECT MELANCHOLY – Analyzer. Perfectionist.
Basic Desire: Have Perfection. Introverted, Pessimistic, Soft Spoken.
Emotional Needs – Sensitivity, Support, Space, Silence, Organized, Neat, Orderly.
Strengths: Attention to Detail. Deep and thoughtful. Great at processes and Systems. Persistent and Thorough.
Weaknesses: Lacks Spontaneity. Struggles Under Pressure. Hard to Please. Remembers the negatives.
Controls by: Moods.
CAN YOU BE A COMBINATION OF TWO TYPES?
Most people are a mixture of two of the above. The Popular Sanguine may be part Powerful Choleric meaning that he/she is outgoing, wants to please but also is a powerful leader, outspoken and optimistic. I have several close friends like that.
Or a Sanguine might be part Peaceful Phlegmatic. Sometimes a powerful Choleric might have a Melancholy side.
Masks – I have a close relative who really is a Powerful Choleric but to get along as a child growing up in a house of extroverts, wore a mask of the Peaceful Phlegmatic just to keep the peace. Once on her own, in college, her true identity came out and she blossomed and became a leader.
We have all heard of the shy, quiet woman who, after marriage, and raising children, becomes the Powerful Choleric.
Can anyone have a happy, successful life partner who is just the opposite of themselves? One happy marriage that I know well is between a Popular Sanguine- Choleric: (outgoing, always optimistic, highly organized). She is married to a Perfect Melancholy who sees the dark side of almost situation. Why does this marriage work? Well, she delights in being the cheerleader for him and everyone else and he is grateful for her bright, cheery self. Married happily for 40 + years.
Getting along with difficult people. Most everyone has a relative that they cannot avoid at family gatherings, or an important person at work that you must cooperate with almost every day.
What can you do?
Ah! The point of writing this whole blog is, hopefully, to help us find happiness and live in peace with every personality type with whom we have a relationship. So, by studying these four types after learning our own, we can have an understanding and let that person be who he/she is, not seeking to change him/her.
We, then, will not try to force the shy person to be a leader, unless he wants to. We can make allowances for the Melancholy will often be negative or depressed.
Bottom line, we can be kind.
For example, I worked in an office with a young man who knew that I am a believer and looked for every opportunity to crack dirty jokes in front of me, use foul language and make remarks about so-called phony Christians. For many months, I learned to just walk away which seemed to irritate him all the more. Finally, one day we were alone in the computer room, and I could not escape his wrath. He ranted about every flawed believer he ever met and turned to me with fire in his eyes. As he shouted is opinions, I thought about what to say to him. I knew that I could not change his opinion by arguing. Obviously, he had been hurt somewhere along the line.
When he stopped, quietly and with a smile, I said to him, “You know, John, you and I will never agree on many things, but I want you to know that I respect your opinion and no matter what, you will always be my friend. I love you.” He stared at me with a total look of bewilderment and was silent for a long time. He gathered up his paperwork and walked out of the room. It was not the response that he had expected. From that day forward, he never insulted me again and was even friendly for the first time ever. I hope that I set an example to him but may never know. That’s okay, too.
Maybe you have a relative, neighbor or co-worker, like I do, who is bossy, opinionated and loves to rile everyone up just for fun. Once I figured out that that is his need for attention, I just let it go and don’t take a counter opinion that starts a fight. He will never change his strong views on almost everything, so I nod in agreement when I can, and let the rest just go. We are only together for a few hours and my goal is to enjoy the time together, not to use it as a battleground where no one wins.
I hope that by understanding who we are and who others are, we can have a more loving, peaceful relationship with everyone around us. Life is short. Enjoy the journey.
Enjoy reading Annie’s recently published inspirational memoir, THAT ONE PERSON, by Annie Farris, written to encourage you in these challenging times. Now available on Amazon for $15.95, and Kindle for $9.99. Endorsed by Pat Boone and 18 others with numerous 5-star reviews. It makes a great gift!
AFTER YOU’VE READ THE BOOK, PLEASE GO TO AMAZON.COM AND WRITE A REVIEW. Amazon will only allow Annie to advertise after she has 100 5 star reviews, a daunting job for a new author!