What is Love?
“What the world needs now is love, sweet love. That’s the only thing that there’s just too little of…” the song says. But what is love?
Our culture uses the word loosely… “I love chocolate, I love to camp, I love that car. I love that cute dress.”
We joke about love: If you love someone, let them go.
If you don’t like someone, let them go. Let them all go and get a dog.
The original quote was, “if you love someone set them free. if they come back, they are yours forever. If they don’t, they were never yours at all. (Author unknown).
Is romantic love the most important kind? Of course not! But, according to the Valentine cards we see, it is.
Here are the forms of love that scripture talks about:
- Scripture defines romantic love as EROS:desire, sexual passion, fiery, even sometimes irrational that can take hold of you and possess you. As described by C.S. Lewis Eros involves a loss of control that frightened the ancient Greeks. Which is odd, because losing control is precisely what many people now seek in a relationship. Don’t we all hope to fall “madly” in love? Have you ever felt like that? I have.
- The second kind of love is PHILIA or friendship, which the Greeks valued more than the base sexuality of Eros. For example, it is deep comradely friendship that develops between brothers and sisters in arms who fight side by side on the battlefield. It is showing loyalty to your friends, sacrificing for them, as well as sharing your emotions with them. Sometimes describing the love between parents and their children. Family is included here, also, How much of this do we attempt to amass by so many names on Facebook?
- LUDUS, or playful love. While Philia can be very serious, Ludus love is playful affection between children or casual flirting and teasing in the early stages of a relationship, laughing with friends or dancing with someone.
- The highest form of love is AGAPE love which is love for everyone. It is unconditional. Uh-Oh. Is unconditional love truly obtainable? We love the song “I love you just the way you are”. But, well, we change as time passes. We’re not the same as we were even ten years ago. What happens then? And do we only love people who are like us? Who speak our language, who dress nicely, who socialize like us? Can we love the homeless person begging on the street, or do we ignore him thinking that it’s his own fault? He doesn’t smell good. But scripture says his soul is just as important to God as mine! Is it possible to love him, too?
With God’s help, maybe we can come close to Agape love. After all, none of us will ever be perfect. The only version of complete unconditional love is found in scripture. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17
God loves us because it’s His character, His very nature. He loves us not because of duty, but because it’s who He is. How amazing that he first loved us before we even knew of Him!
We love our children unconditionally by nature. Heaven only knows the length to which most of us, as parents, have gone to give our offspring a good life, often, sacrificially, and gladly, out of our love for them. But we must be careful so that our kids don’t feel like winning our approval and measuring up to our expectations is the only way in which they can be loved.
You all know that I am a dog lover. That’s because I have experienced unconditional love from our dogs all my life. In my darkest moments, a wagging tail was always there to snuggle up with me, faithful and loyal. Today, our little chihuahua, Scooter, waits at the door, and indeed loves us as we are. Rich or poor, ugly or pretty, he doesn’t care. But, of course, our pets don’t live as long as we do. God, however, is with us forever and we can spend eternity with Him.
5. PRAGMA is known as standing love as different from falling in love. It is about a mature, realistic love commonly found in long established couples. Pragma love makes compromises to help the relationship work over time, showing patience and tolerance. The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm said, “We expend too much energy on “falling in love” and need to learn how to “stand” in love.” giving love rather than just receiving it. Our record in the USA of one third of all marriages ending in divorce or separation in the first ten years causes us to think about Pragma love more seriously. Do you know a couple like this? Married for many, many years and still close, not just as sweethearts but as best friends. What an example to all of us! It’s still possible even today in this crazy world.
- PHILAUTIA love is self-love. The unhealthy version is narcissism, being obsessed and focused only on yourself. A heathy version, liking yourself, enhances your capacity to love others.
So, what do we DO with all these descriptions of love? Well, first of all, love is what you DO, not just words spoken, but what you DO. Little things like taking out the trash for your family or spouse, cooking a meal when you don’t feel like it, going out of your way to help a neighbor by running an errand, or giving her a ride to the doctor when she/he can’t drive that day. That’s PHILIA love, loving kindness!
The most famous description of love in exact terms is found in I Corinthians 13:4:
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
I’d like to see this in a Valentine card because that kind of love is what the world needs now. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. Please join me as we press toward the mark of unconditional love, AGAPE, love, love for our fellow man. With God’s help, we can see beyond ourselves and reach out to this weary world.
QUOTES
“The best index of a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good and how he treats people who can’t fight back.” Abigail Van Buren
“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.” Anthony Brandt
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” Bernard Meltzer
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” Erma Bombeck.
“You will be happier if you will give people a bit of your heart rather than a piece of your mind.” Author Unknown.
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family…in another city.” George Burns
“A friend is an aspirin for the headaches of life.” Annie Farris
“Make your own happiness and take a friend with you.” Annie Farris
Enjoy reading Annie’s recently published inspirational memoir, THAT ONE PERSON, by Annie Farris, written to encourage you in these challenging times. Now available on Amazon for $15.95, and Kindle for $9.99. Endorsed by Pat Boone and 18 others with numerous 5-star reviews. It makes a great gift!
AFTER YOU’VE READ THE BOOK, PLEASE GO TO AMAZON.COM AND WRITE A REVIEW. Amazon will only allow Annie to advertise after she has 100 5 star reviews, a daunting job for a new author!
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