Can We Be Friends?
We don’t have to be best friends, but can’t we just get along? There are a lot of reasons for not liking people. Some of them make sense. After all, we reason, don’t I have the right to choose who I associate with?
We divide so easily over masks versus no masks, covid shots versus no covid shots, gun control versus no gun control, Republican versus Democrat, conservative versus liberal, how to handle border control, Caucasians versus Black or Asian, marriage versus free love, disciplining children over letting the free spirit reign. (He will grow out of it).
These differences can cause a lot of stress, irritation, and worst of all, division – especially in these challenging days. So, most of us have been through this in one way or another.
A few years ago, I attended a seminar that has had a profound effect my life. It was composed of twelve rather successful professionals with various backgrounds–realtors, lenders, title representatives, escrow officers, financial experts, and various investors. Our agreed upon commitment for one year was that we were required to make a picture notebook representing each year of our lives. If we did not have a picture, we were to at least show on that page what we were doing at that time. How silly, I thought. How inconvenient! But each month one of us sat in a chair while the others gathered around sitting on the floor as the presenter showed one page at a time and explained their life. Everyone had occasional good years, but all of us had overcome unbelievable obstacles unknown to others until then. The courage of each of these people was deeply moving as we learned of the many obstacles that each had overcome. One young lender was fighting a brain tumor while he and his wife had a new baby. Another had been sexually abused as a child, another abandoned by her mother, another never knew his father, another had been homeless at one time. One had worked as a night custodian to get through college. In understanding and giving each our full attention, we had great empathy and pride in each participant.
Fast forward two years in which time I didn’t see any of these people. One weekend I attended a motivational convention at the Anaheim Convention Center with Zig Ziglar as the speaker. Looking across the foyer as thousands of us were signing in, I spotted several of my old seminar friends. I was startled and surprised by my deep joy–even love–for each the moment I saw them. Why did I feel that after two years? Why was I so glad to see them? Then, it dawned on me. It was because I knew their whole story! I felt empathy, felt understanding because I had heard their lives from their point of view. I did not feel any judgement of them. I wonder if that’s a small part of the kind of compassion and empathy that God must feel for each of us because he knows our whole story like no one else.
In Dr. Stephen Covey’s book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he says, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Seeking real understanding affirms the other person and respects what they have to say. That’s what they want. Isn’t that what we all want–to be understood, valued and affirmed? That requires a heart that listens to others. Could it be that if we listen, we will have more empathy, and we will gain understanding?
“And with all thy getting get understanding,” (Prov 4:7) or, said another way, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).
People base their opinions on their own experiences just as I do. Those opinions can divide us.
When we argue and are divided about mask or no mask, covid shot or no shot, conservative or liberal, black versus white, what do we gain? A strained relationship? Division? The only thing that can bring peace into our lives is when we realize that each of us is a child of God, made in His image. THAT’S OUR MAIN IDENTITY. THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.
People will forget what we said, but they will remember how we made them feel.
“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love…Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil…bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13).
With so many differences among us, how can we live with our fellowman and find peace and love others just as they are? Here’s what scripture has to say:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Phil 4:6)
LORD, GRANT THAT WE CAN BE AMBASSODORS OF PEACE TO OTHERS IN THESE CHALLENGING TIMES.
Thanks to Pastor Scott Martin, of First Christian Church, Huntington Beach, CA for inspiring me with his great sermon on unity which reminded me of this story.
Enjoy reading Annie’s recently published inspirational memoir, THAT ONE PERSON, by Annie Farris, written to encourage you in these challenging times. Now available on Amazon for $15.95, and Kindle for $9.99. Endorsed by Pat Boone and 18 others with numerous 5-star reviews. It makes a great gift!
AFTER YOU’VE READ THE BOOK, PLEASE GO TO AMAZON AND WRITE A REVIEW. Amazon will only allow Annie to advertise after she has 100 5 star reviews, a daunting job for a new author!