Who are the real cheerleaders?
Being a cheerleader is an exciting experience. When you hear about the opportunity to audition for the squad, you prepare because it looks like so much fun. You work out like crazy until you’re so sore you can barely walk, hoping you’ll make the cut. If you’re lucky enough to get on the team, you quickly learn the many advantages of being a cheerleader.
First, lifetime friendships are formed as you rehearse together. Overnight, you are the center of attention at school when you arrive for pep rallies in your cute uniform and guys who never noticed you before are interested. In your own town, in your own school, you are somewhat of a star. Your confidence builds. Then there’s the excitement of the roar of the crowd, the adrenaline rush as you cheer the team on. It doesn’t matter whether they are winning or losing, you are there for them. They count on you when they need encouragement at just the right moment and when they fear that they won’t make that score. You feel like you’ve made a difference for them.
You learn that it’s not all fun and games but an extraordinary commitment. But you know that this won’t last forever so you give it all you have knowing that graduation will come and you will all go your separate ways.
What is commitment, after all? Well, you learn that whether there is rain or shine or even snow, you show up for the game on time whether you’re feeling good or not, whether you’re upbeat or not, or even if your sweetheart has just dumped you and you just want to stay in bed and cry. But no. You set aside every thought because you would never dream of letting the rest of the squad down and messing up the complicated formations.
But, best of all, you treasure that you are never alone in this experience.
However, these happy cheerleaders are not the real heroes.
The real unsung heroes around us today are the caregivers. Unlike the happy cheerleaders, the caregiver is often unnoticed, even isolated, and frequently lonely. There is no crowd to cheer them on. Usually without any notice and no training whatsoever, they gladly set aside their activities, their goals, their social life, even their own health to care for the one they love whether it’s an aging parent, a spouse, a child or a friend.
Unlike the happy cheerleader who knows she will graduate soon, there is no guarantee how long that 24/7 commitment will last. Yes, it’s 24/7. Whatever it takes. Up in the night? Fine. Sleep deprived? Fine. If it’s nursing someone after an appendicitis surgery, the recovery can be a matter of days, or for a seriously ill loved one, the commitment is open ended. Months? Years? Bring it on! Half a lifetime? That, too. Today, we see all around us caregivers for loved ones with cancer, Alzheimer’s, disabilities, Parkinson’s and the list goes on. Because I’ve been in those caregiver shoes, as some of you have, I understand the journey.
What does this kind of love and commitment cost them? Herein lies the challenge: statistics tell us that 65% of all caregivers get sick themselves. Why? Living for the patient, this loving person, always putting the patient first, struggles for balance – neglecting their own doctor appointments, exercise, and even enough rest and sleep. Yes, being sleep deprived is one of the most difficult issues. In addition, you present a cheerful attitude to the patient at all times even if you are exhausted mentally and spiritually as you say that this is easy, and you are just fine. And then, there’s the guilt that you feel because you are sure that you are not doing enough because you are not a professional.
Unfortunately, this difficult journey can happen to any of us at any time.
Those of us watching this happen to others feel helpless. We don’t know what to do.
What can we do to help? Well, for a start, we can be a really good friend by taking notice of their situation. We can take food, nothing fancy, and even the basics will be appreciated. If it’s allowed, how about visiting, even sitting with the patient while the caregiver gets away for a few hours? How about bringing puzzles, or a good book for the patient and the caregiver? How about having another friend sit with the patient while you take the caregiver to lunch or for a walk? Encouraging the caregiver to bring in professional help, even for a few hours a week reassures them that they can and must get on with their lives, too.
Most of all we can bring our empathy and understanding and be by their side either in person or by phone, just to say that we know that this is hard. We see what they are going through and assure them that they are not alone. Best of all, we can pray.
Sadly, for some patients, the end of their life might be soon, but the beloved caregiver also needs reassurance that they have done everything that they could, with the help of good medical care, to make their loved one comfortable.
These are our real heroes who need us. We can spread love to them by being their cheerleader.
LEAN ON ME written by Bill Withers
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain, we all have sorrow,
But, if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.
Lean on me when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend,
I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t be long til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand,
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand,
We all need somebody to lean on.
Please swallow your pride, if I have faith you need to borrow,
For no one can fill those of your needs if you don’t let them.
If there’s a load you have to bear that you can’t carry,
I’m right up the road I’ll share your load if you just call me,
Call me, call me, call me….
I challenge all of us to look for the opportunity to be THAT ONE PERSON, that cheerleader for a caregiver just when they need our support.
Enjoy reading Annie’s recently published inspirational memoir, THAT ONE PERSON, by Annie Farris, written to encourage you in these challenging times. Now available on Amazon for $15.95, and Kindle for $9.99. Endorsed by Pat Boone and 18 others with numerous 5-star reviews. It makes a great gift!
AFTER YOU’VE READ THE BOOK, PLEASE GO TO AMAZON AND WRITE A REVIEW. Amazon will only allow Annie to advertise after she has 100 5 star reviews, a daunting job for a new author!